Entry for July 10, 2007

So most people ask me if I'm nervous 'bout goin' on this trip.  I actually just received the question again tonight!  And the answer?  Honestly...not at all!  Actually, I am at the point that I can't not go on this trip.

I could not stand wonderin' what might have been...I could not be 30 years old and wish that I had visited these countries...I could not stand to look at pictures in magazines anymore knowin' that I myself could be there...I would not ever be content livin' with regrets.

So maybe I don't know what I'm gettin' into...so maybe I don't know where I'm stayin' once I step foot into Dublin...so maybe I don't know if I'm even goin' to like it (though I don't think this one is goin' to be much of a problem)...so maybe I know absolutely NO ONE where I'm goin'...so maybe I'm ok with all of the above!

I just know one thing...I'm leavin' in 35 days!  And I am crazy stoked!

Of course, there is a TON of stuff to do before I leave...VBS, trip to Mexico, learn how to run again, renew pilot's license, sell my truck, give all kinds of things away, say good-byes!  Not to mention gain another $2000...

But that will all fall into place.  I can't wait for this trip!!!

In other news, I'm buyin' two motorcycles tomorrow...

And I had a GREAT time with a good friend tonight.  One of my closest (as of late), yet we only talk once in a random while.  It's crazy...as the trip gets closer, I do a lot of thinking about what I'm goin' to miss...or who I'm goin' to miss...

And oddly enough, the list isn't long.  Now, now, don't be too upset...I will miss people.  It's just that (and this is probably the BIGGEST reason for goin' on this trip)...I rarely talk to the same person throughout the week.  I might talk to someone tonight...and then that samer person in three or four weeks.  Actually, just tonight, I received the getting-ever-so-routine-and-overly-annoying-and-frustrating phone call..."Hey, Andy, we haven't hung out in a couple of months...we should eat out tomorrow..."  Yes, yes, we should.  Then what?  See ya in a couple more?

I've just relegated that all to whatever.  It's frustrating, but it's my life.  Granted, the past month has been much better, and people have been more frequent in my life, and I am forever grateful.  It's a living hell goin' through life alone.

It's just that I'm sick and tired of the month-to-month "friendships."  It's not my cup o' tea.  I'm sick and tired of people apologizing to me for not bein' around.  And they do!  Especially when they ask me how I'm doin', and I tell them!  I think it surprises them, and I'm not lookin' for pity, really.  I just can't not be honest...but they they apologize for not hangin' out or for not callin' or for gettin' too caught up in their wife or for thinkin' that I looked like I had a ton of friends...

haha...I kind of chuckle now.  Two months ago I would probably be very angry.  Now I just accept it.  And look very forward to what the future brings.

I hope it's a friend!

(Ok, all that to say that that stinkin' girl that I hung out with tonight doesn't make it any easier to leave, either!  This was supposed to be a clean break-away...leavin' it all behind me!  Grr.  No worries.  I'm still goin'.  And not holdin' back.  I guess I'm just experiencin' (finally!) what I wished I had.  Someone that knows me!  And it does make ya want to stay.

But like I said...it's too late.  It's a done deal.  I can't not go.  35 days!

(Oh, and my ankle kills me.  Like seriously.  Every step hurts.  But again, I can't do anything.  So I just walk.  And take it.  Stupid ankle.)

2007-07-11 06:17:23 GMT