Monday, June 14, 2010

The Cops??? Really?--June 13, 2010

Woke up at 8:30 A.M.  I was thrilled to find low clouds yet again!  I ate breakfast, showered, then hopped in the car and went church-shoppin'.  It's really one of my least favorite things to do.  I opted to go with a small church at least be greeted.  I walked in for the 9:15 Sunday School, but the big church was still in session.  So I waited outside in the lobby all by myself...for about 20 minutes.

I've really grown to hate churches.  The awkwardness of them all.  I really don't like it.

Well, the big church got out, and the preacher came out, saw me, and came over to shake my hand.  But he quickly excused himself as he needed to go shake everybody's hand who was leaving.  It was...weird.  And it was really weird to watch most of the church leave.  It's pretty sad to watch from the outside.  Just come for the big church and don't stay for the more intimate time.  <sigh>  We really are in a sorry state of affairs, I think.

Anyway, I was told I had two options for Sunday School.  A couple's class where they were talking about sexual compatibility (I can't make this stuff up even if I tried) or some other class.  I was basically forced into the second class.  There were six of us plus two teachers.  Of course, I shook several hands, but there wasn't a lot of focus on me.  For better, for worse, who knows.  The class was...ok.  I'm honestly not really sure if what he talked about was true or not...but I felt weak in my Biblical prowess to put up questions.  That was a pretty vivid wake-up call.  Anyway...

I didn't really care for the whole thing.  So much so that I didn't even go to big church after Sunday School.  I got in the car, kind of sad at the whole experience, and just drove off.  Church just isn't made for travelers.  It's just not.

I headed back to the hotel where we camped out for about an hour.  Then we headed out for lunch.  We ended up goin' to Olive Garden for their soup, salad, and breadsticks.  We had originally stopped at the new Einstein's Bagels, but the 20 people in line made us change our minds.

We headed back to the hotel after that.  I was thrilled to see grey skies all around.  We had rain, and hail was even reported just a few miles to the west.  Now THAT is a perfect day of flying for me!!!  ha!  I spent the rest of the afternoon in the hotel.  I watched "Catch Me If You Can," a new top favorites movie!  I don't know why, but I just love and appreciate a good con-man!  I really do!  Hmm...

In some pretty BIG news, I received an e-mail from the boss asking when I wanted to be done.  Basically, did I want to end soon or fly up to the 100-hour?  I thought about it for awhile, not answering the e-mail for a couple of hours.  And I decided...

That I wanted to be done soon.  The 15th is possible.  I've flown enough this season.  I've made good money.  I've had some memorable experiences.  I'm just ready to have a break.  I still haven't heard back from him, though!!!  Agh, what's it going to be?!  I pretty much figured out in my head what is going to happen, though.

I am 14.2 hours away from my 100-hour inspection.  And I need 4 hours to get to Denver and do a calibration field before landing.  So basically, I have right around 10 hours that I need to fly before the 100-hour.  Here's my thoughts...tomorrow is looking fantastic for flying.  Winds are at 10 knots at 15,000 feet.  PERFECT.  So I might be able to get a full day in!!!  Or at least a good chunk.  And if I can fly a bit on Tuesday (also looking good), then I can knock off most of the 14 hours remaining.

Frankly, I'm not overly thrilled about knockin' off 14 hours in two days!!!  But with a 4 1/2-month vacation as motivation, I think it can certainly be a little bit easier.  Basically, it all depends upon weather, of course, but that is the best option for everyone really.  I would get to go home Tuesday, the airplane would be up for its 100-hour, the airplane would be in Denver, AND the relief pilot could fly out to Denver.  It's a win-win all around.

If it happens.

But I have a ton of flying to do in the next couple of days.  I really wouldn't mind a good day of flying.  But it's hard to get excited for 14 hours in two days!!!  I guess time will tell as to whether that even happens anyway.  We've had a TON of clouds the past few days, although they are all supposed to be 12,000 feet or higher AGL tomorrow.  But I've flown enough around here to know that that is not always the case.  There are often clouds in the remaining flight plan areas even when the rest of the area is clear.  But we'll see!  The turbulence should be good, though.  The winds are supposed to be calm pretty much everywhere!  I just have a feeling that we WILL get a full day in tomorrow!!!

Could it be an 8-hour day?!  Agh!!!

We headed out to a new restaurant for supper.  It was so good!  I had a prime rib tasty!  Came back to the hotel after that.  I ended up going back out, and I had a pretty horrific experience.  I'm still trying to cope with it, but just know that I really, REALLY hate this world I live in.  I don't get why I am so different.  So weird.  I don't get why I can't fit in.  I don't get why people really don't like me.

I get these crazy feelings in the back of my head just thinking about it.  My hair stands on edge?  I don't know what it is, but I was just really, really sad tonight.  Devastated.  I'm losing hope in humans.  This world.  Myself.  And fast.  I just don't belong here.  I really don't fit into this place.

I had the cops called on me.  Basically, I'm just furious/sad just thinking about it.  I really am.  I have gone from being the most popular, most-loved, most enjoyable person to being being a creep.  Being a weird man from out of town.  Being a stranger.  A threat.  A nobody.  A piece of trash.  An awkward person that nobody knows.  Or cares to know.

I was a bit on edge with the police officer, too.  I mean, are you seriously taking all of my information?  Really?  She took my ID, recorded all of the information.  Then she asked for my phone number.  I asked why she needed that.  She was not too happy with that.  But seriously, WHY?  Are you going to call me and ask if I am committing a crime?  Are you going to check in on me and see if I am currently creeping someone out?  Are you going to call me to see where I am to come find me?  I mean, seriously?  She told me she needed it in case they had any further problems with me.  REALLY?  Sure, just call me up, and I'll let ya know where I'm at, what I'm doing!

Schmucks.  Another office came by for back-up.  Oh, this is a treat.  I was getting ready to leave, but I just sat there.  I wanted to make it awkward for them, too.  I asked if I could leave, the new officer said not yet.  REALLY?  Wow.  He finally came over and said I could go.

I wish I could say I had emotions.  I wish I could say I cried.  Or drove off the cliff.  Or got so unbelievably angry that I broke things.  But the fact of the matter is (there goes the back of my head again), I didn't have any feelings.  I was just so numb.  So incredibly and totally lifeless.  I wanted to be mad.  But I just didn't have it in me.  I was just utterly devastated.  At a loss for even feelings.

Some other human called the cops on me because they were terrified of me.  What the fu...I want to cuss so bad.  WHAT THE HELL?  What the hell is going on with this life of mine?  I'm stood up repeatedly, I'm yelled at for being a child molester across restaurants, I'm turned in to the police.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

I don't even know where to go from here.  I really don't.  I'm scaring people.  I'm not known.  I'm not trusted.  It's hell on earth.

An honest hell on earth.

Went to bed at 11:00 P.M.  Alarm is set for 7:10 A.M.  Preparing for a big day.

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