Thursday, May 13, 2010

Not the Life I Want--May 12, 2010

Woke up at 10:30.  I was pretty tired.  I didn’t want to move.  It’s kind of crazy waking up in someone else’s house, but I guess I was ok with it.  It’s a house anyway.  I guess that’s an improvement.  I was slow in getting ready, but she had work to do.  Her business.  It tore me apart.  She was just dead in thinking about getting ready for it.  Like I said, I don't get how I meet the people I do.  I just don’t.  This encounter is going to haunt me forever.  In the best way possible.

There was snow all over the ground outside.  It had melted already on the pavement, but it was still pretty white when you looked outside.  I said good-bye, then started for the hotel.  The other guys were waiting to go out to eat.  They had missed breakfast, too…but no surprise there.  I knew they were pretty hammered last night, so I figured I didn’t have to be back too early.  The ride back was…terrifying.  I was fine, I thought, but once I hit the interstate, I realized JUST how tired I was.  My eyes were burning, and I just didn’t feel right.  I kept on blinking as much as I could, but my eyes were so dry.  I was not feeling too safe…so I was thrilled to make it back to the hotel in one piece!

I walked upstairs, and the guys were ready to go.  We headed to IHOP.  I was still pretty out of it.  I tried to put on a decent face, but they kept commenting on my red eyes!  Sure enough, they were beat red.  I was just tired.  We headed back to the hotel.  I grabbed the car and hopped on over to the airport.  I wanted to see try to make (show) peace with her.  I had talked to her last night for 45 minutes, and thankfully she took the call.  But I just wanted to have that openness again.  It was VERY short...and not much talking took place.  Certainly not like we used to.  But the effort was made, the face was shown.  Hopefully we will have peace between us.  I went back to the hotel, absolutely worthless in body.  I closed the curtains and set my alarm for 4:15.  It was only 1:15 in the afternoon.

But I crashed.  And I mean, I was gone.  A very deep sleep…not even sure if I moved.  I finally woke up at 5:21.  And the “routine” started again.  One of the girls I had talked to last night wanted to get together with me…<sigh>.  What am I doing?!

I walked over to the airport, grabbed the courtesy car, got my fix of McDonald’s sweet tea, and then headed for her house.  We ended up going out to eat at an AMAZING tiny Greek restaurant (I LOVE foreign food!), then picked up “Up in the Air” from Redbox, and then went back to her place.  The movie was pretty much a loose documentary on my life, and seeing as how it was pretty sad, well, put two-and-two together.  She threw in another movie, “The Producers,” but I found it nothing short of weird and lame, so we just talked.  And that was that night!

I didn’t make it to bed until 4:00 A.M.

I REALLY need to just focus on airplanes.  Girls are...well…complex.  I hate NOT being liked by someone, but this whole being liked by someone is just difficult.  I can't do this.  Not on the road.  I think I would be better off to lock myself in my hotel.  And I did so well for so long.  But I had a lapse two nights ago.  And now I had two nights in a row of fleeting pursuits.  There is nothing healthy about that for either side.

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